when two worlds collide.

It’s so hard not to smile when I walk into work.

Every day, I walk past the ONE Synagogue in Estonia, along the path that leads directly to the bright orange doors – the ones that guide me to the people who work tirelessly to keep the Estonian Jewish community vibrant.

Along the path I can see some of those people through their office windows; a wave hello from the outside keeps me smiling as I walk through the doors to the inside.

I step in, look to my left (where I can always find a cluster of people), and Russian greetings fall naturally from my lips.

• “Privyet, kak deela?” (Hello, how are you?)
• “Privyet, Jen, harisho, kak deela?” (Hello, Jen, good, how are you?)
• “Atleechna, spasiba” (Great, thank you!)

And today I entered the building the exact same way – except this time I had been gone for a week. I was happily, yet urgently led to The Maker of All Beautiful Scarves in the community. The Maker, who I shall name BumbleBee, is in her young senior years, and buzzes with such zest around the community. Let us not forget the Swarovski crystal on her French manicured nails.

She pulls out a long, luscious, Tiffany blue/green scarf from her bag.

She forces me to take off my coat and current scarf. She wraps the one she knitted around my neck.

I’m pushed to look at myself in the mirror as another colleague follows me and translates the following to me in Hebrew, “Is it okay? Do you like it?” – Yes to all of the above.

“She cuts, you wash, you wear.”

Okay, she cuts, I wash, I wear.

Hugs, spasiba’s, and smiles follow me up to my desk.

I sit here, in front of you, happy to be back in Estonia and deeply inspired from the past week.

So, Jen, tell us, where have you been?

With 90 Jewish teens from Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania in Pedase, Estonia – about 60km from Tallinn. This is also why I have a cold today.  Sniff.

4 days at “Kadima” – a teen seminar devoted to leadership training and team building infused with inspirational Jewish learning. Pedase is a camp-style hotel; wooden bunk beds, shared bathrooms, shared sauna’s, shared laps (people sitting on top of other people), and oh yeah, shared germs.

And SO in my element. Camp counselor Jen came out to play those 4 days; being fun, light, positive and bubbly with teens. Pushing them to put their phones away and take advantage of the learning experience, giving them they eye when being too loud or too goofy. But most importantly, the part that fills my soul with purpose and reminds me of my favorite memories: having meaningful one-on-one conversations with younger generations. Talks of relationships, family life, social life, best friends, enemies, teachers at school; what is G-d? What is Judaism and why should I explore it? What do you believe in? Do you believe in anything? Etc.

Don’t imagine the conversations going completely fluidly; they were broken, absolutely. Words translated by others, and frustration had by the teens when they couldn’t find the word in English. And in my head? Well, in my head, I saw my pieces of my world connect with other pieces; creating clearer images of my life’s puzzle. I realize that sounds absolutely obscure and “out there”; but I felt purposeful. Blessed.

I wrote on the bus, “I feel: Purposeful. Blessed. To be a member of the involved Jewish world. To care about our tribe and its’ future – I feel like a tiny piece of the puzzle who’s just finding connecting pieces ALL.OVER.THE.WORLD.”

And then I wrote a reminder as I walked away from the weekend, “and don’t forget: you, yourself, need be inspired to inspire others.”

A collision of two worlds:

A 5-hour bus ride south took me to Riga, Latvia. The largest city of the Baltic’s. My first trip to connect me to the larger Baltic picture.

Monday, November 12, 2012:

“Sitting at breakfast in the Albert Einstein Hotel in Riga, Latvia. Beatles playing in the background, the view of Riga’s cobble-stones streets and colorful architecture beyond the window. Just saw a dog carrying his/her own leash. Whisper words of wisdom, let it be. E=mc^2”

A little taste of my Catcher in the Rye/stream-of-consciousness journal styling’s.

That evening I was surprised by the JDC Entwine Steering Committee. Without hesitation, I threw my arms around the JDC Staff I knew. Staff, by the way, who interviewed me for this very position. A very surreal, full-circle feeling – a collision of two worlds, if you will.

Rachel, who is a former JDC JSC Fellow and who now works for JDC-New York, was my first connection to this current chapter of my life. Rachel interviewed me via Skype in April; I remember it vividly. Sitting in my apartment in Lawrence, Kansas, rocking my business professional attire, just 2 months shy of graduating. The moment that literally led me to this overwhelmingly connected hug with her in Riga, Latvia. Where my current Baltic life exists, with my Baltic colleagues and friends, rocking my more trendy-euro-hipster attire, just shy of 2 months since landing in Estonia. All in one room together.

Hello surrealism.

And I spent the next day with the JDC Entwine Steering Committee on their tour of Jewish Riga. Incredibly educational and necessary for me to better understand past and current Jewish life – clarity was gained, and feelings were undoubtedly felt. We walked through Jewish ghetto’s, where Jews were forced to live during ww2; we saw cemeteries, memorials, Jewish museums, and artifacts that left us with emotions too hard to put into words.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Anger, sadness, confusion, optimism, belief, and even greater motivation for the future.

“what the eyes can’t see, the heart can’t feel”

I was told this 3 months ago as I prepared for my new life in the Baltic’s. It resonated in my heart exponentially as I drifted from images too difficult to grasp.

But now I saw.

And I feel more than ever.

And I understand so much more.

 And I’m grateful I get 10 more months to put that better understanding, that motivation for the future, into my work here. I don’t just walk away and sit in Dallas, Texas with the memory of a destroyed Jewish community in my head – I get to help in their revival, their renewal.

“You’re one of us now”,said the President of the Jewish Community of Riga. I am. Without question. I am so a part of this community it baffles me at times. When people ask me how I am, how I’m doing, I point to the people and say, “Just look at them. Look how funny, how beautiful they are. That’s how I’m doing”

Thanksgiving is in a week so hurry up and send me recipes! If you’d like to send me a turkey, that’s totally okay too.

Lats of Love,

Jenstonia – Feelin’ so Baltic. 

 

p where u shower – it’s juss different.

Has anyone ever told you, “don’t shower where you pee?”

If you said “yes”, then I want to meet the person who told you that because I’m pretty sure I made it up. (I just called you a liar in a very passive way)

But on the realz: if anyone has ever told you that, they couldn’t be more wrong.

I know from personal experience. I literally shower where I pee; like almost on top of my toilet.

the toilet is in there.

No seriously. I do. And there’s good news.

The good news is I’m constantly cleaning my toilet.

The other day I was squeezing and hitting the conditioner bottle against my palm and the conditioner slipped out into the toilet bowl. Plop. Consider yourself conditioned, T.Bowl.

The bad news is…well, there is no bad news. It’s juss different!

You would think my brain would have created the muscle memory to put down the toilet seat before I showered, but everything about my toilet/shower situation is far from natural. Men would love living here because I would most likely yell at them for putting the toilet seat down – for fear of losing cleaning opportunity. “How many times do I have to tell you, keep the toilet seat up…damnit”!

Like music to your ears, yeah? Speaking of, MUSIC BREAK:

This is my song of the month. You can hear me screaming it if you’re at least in continental Europe.

Do you want me to keep up the potty talk? Cause I can. Or you can just message me privately and we can keep this topic going. Totally cool with it.

Let’s move on.

I’ve been in a relationship with CNN this week (it’s official, yayyy). And if my calendar is correct, I think it’s going to last another week.

On a non-political, completely serious note: I would just like to wish all those struggling under Sandy’s aftermath a smooth and speedy recovery. My heart goes out to all of those affected by the storm, and I promise we won’t forget about you as America enters election week. Hoping you receive more media coverage than this fluffy campaign.

Withering Weather:

It was +7 today! Yes, exclamation point included. That converts to about 37 degrees Fahrenheit. What I’ve come to realize is that as the temperature drops, the more mind I lose; an indirect relationship, is it? I get excited, genuinely excited, when I see anything above -1 degrees Celsius.

Anything above 0 and you don’t have to wear gloves or an extra set of ears when jogging around town. And if you follow the sun and avoid tall buildings, you may even be able to lose your knee-high wool socks for above-ankle wool socks. The joy.

see: awkward, sunlight and no ear muffs

Ice: you actually can jog on. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Do people think you’re absolutely ludicrous? Sure, but if you stay on main roads, you might even find slush that looks like a coca cola slushy. Just watch out for pipes that excrete water…chances are the water is not a shiny puddle, but a layer of slippery ice. Weeeeeeeeee

Dimming Daylight:

We fell back an hour last week. It gets dark around 4:30pm. Next month it will be 3:30pm. With darkness comes yawning, wiping the sleep out of your eyes, and thoughts of warm dinner, couches, and CNN. I’m not someone who’s typically affected by minor environmental changes, but you actually cannot control the fact that your body thinks it’s almost bed time in the middle of the day. This will undeniably take some time and doubling up on cappuccino.

Chospitality (Hospitality):

As old as the oldest Jew, Abraham. I had a great conversation with the teens about what it means to be Jewishly hospitable, or hospitably Jewish. Hence why I say “chospitality”; or really “hachnasat orchim”. It’s a mitzvah, you know?

When a guest comes, you give them water to wash their feet and attend to their animals. You smile and seem “happy” throughout the meal, no matter what’s pressing you. The laws go on and on, and there’s no doubt that we can translate the ancient ones to modern times.

The last one got me thinking. “Smile and seem happy”; turning off your brain and being fully present. Can you?

In 2010, while beginning my trip to Israel, the tour guide provided us with this quote, “you are where your thoughts are.” Ironically, this stopped my thinking. She was right. How could I possibly drink this trip dry if my thoughts were at home with mom, on a bike ride with dad, or sitting in next semester’s classes?

I see turning your brain off as an art, a skill. It’s a muscle that has to be trained – and I fully believe it’s vital to a healthy human life. We are filled with so much stimulation and added stress every day, and the ability to shut it down will not only bring mental health, but physical and emotional health.

I solemnly swear, when you come into my house, my attention is on you. When you come into my Facebook messenger, my attention is on you. Skype, viber, phone call, it’s on you or else I’m not answering and I’ll tell you otherwise. Chospitality in 2012.

Day trippa, yeah:

I traveled 185.4 km to Tartu, Estonia on Thursday. A few of us from Tallinn went to join the Jewish Community of Tartu to formally “open” their calendar year. Remember how I told you it gets dark by 4:30? Unfortunately I wasn’t able to see the city by daylight, but the academic buildings, alcoholic drinking parks, and abundance of “kohvik baars” (coffee bars) were enough to fill my university culture void.

Tartu has a wild history. It’s Estonia’s second largest city and an intellectual hub to a “T”.Tartu University is one of the leading scientific schools in “semiotics”, the study of signs and sign processes. If you like metaphors and analogies, this is your dream field of study.

There used to be a synagogue. It was actually home to the majority of Estonia’s Jews until WW2. See synagogue below:

Tartu also gave me a dose of common Estonian eats: TONGUE. I took a photo of it, but I could not find the tongue to eat it – and I like trying crazy food! Though after having a mostly meat-free, paleo diet for the past month and a half, my mind couldn’t fathom the idea of putting tongue on my tongue…and digesting it. Gulp. 😛

More Tartu info here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tartu

Other cool (or freezing) things:

The Rabbi calls me Thursday morning. “Jen, boker tov (good morning), mah shlomech (how are you)? You’ve been in Estonia over a month now yes? You must come to Shabbat dinner tomorrow night. See you then, bye!”

So I went to my first Shabbat dinner at the Rabbi’s house. Talk about CHospitality! Jameson on the table, and 15 others around it. 10 of which were beautiful kids who looked almost identical (brothers and sisters of course). The 2 beside me were… AMERICAN. They moved to Finland 2 weeks ago and were in town visiting Tallinn for the weekend. It was a great night of shared culture; we talked about languages in 3 different languages, traveling, living internationally, and much more.

The best part: each time I heard Russian I found comfort. I actually asked the kids to speak in Russian instead of Hebrew, a language I’m much more familiar with. “Bevakashsa, medaber b’Russki” (Hebrew: Please, speak in Russian).

And today I went on a great jog through Old Town to the very top of the Old Town mountain. I made a pit stop to the oldest apteek (apothecary) in Estonia, est. 1400’s. See below:

I ended my jog catching the sunrise just next to the salmon pink Estonian Parliament building. Then, of course, indulging in the infamous CHEESE (JUUSTU) WRAP:

Now back to watching the same election highlights loop on CNN. ROCK CHALK!

Cheese please,

Jenstonia – shower where you pee. 

what the eyes can’t see,…

what the eyes can’t see, the heart can’t feel

context: i was told this tonight, 2 weeks before my departure. the conversation went a little something like this: jen, you’re about to have a life changing experience. you’re going see things that will frustrate you, upset you, or even fill you with joy. you’ll return home to “normal”, and people are going to ask you questions. they’ll want to know what it was like. and it’s going to be near damn impossible to sum it up, in fact you’ll struggle with your words. in moments like these, always remember, “what they eye’s can’t see, the heart can’t feel”.