“I live in Estonia” – I’m going to miss saying that.
As I approach the last 3 months of my service in the Baltics, I can’t keep myself from swatting away the surreal nostalgia bug. “We’re going to miss you, you know?”, my friend casually said to me last night as we traded sushi rolls and sipped on the house white wine, which tasted more like water – exactly how 3Eur house wine should taste.
As I catch the water trickling from the outside of my wine glass, I tell my girls how horrendous and non-graceful I will be when the time approaches for me to pack my belongings and ship stateside; literally covered in tears, slobber, the works. The thought of waking up the first morning in my own bed in Dallas, not in my cozy little apartment in the city center of Tallinn, is enough to get my tear ducts exercising and heart dropping well past my stomach.
When you think about it, it’s really not okay. I mean, it’s going to be okay (it always is), but this experience is so deep, so meaningful, that nonchalantly removing myself from it and carrying on in a place that leaves no semblance of the streets I walked or the people that turned into the best of friends… that’s a damn crime, guys! It’s my job to keep the door on this time cracked open; keep the memories alive and the strong network of friends and colleagues in touch. I know that life goes on, people are busy, but shutting the door completely is a total non-option. In fact, I’m thinking about signing up for Russian courses immediately upon return. Ya neva know, right?
But for real, living and breathing an experience that I’ve always yearned for is two dozen blessings and more. For the most part, I am consistently warmed and overjoyed by this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, its’ impermanence reminds me to chronically smell the roses. I haven’t taken enough time the past month to sit and reflect on my rose-smelling; thankfully the whole blog maintenance concept remains in the back of my head. You should know I say to myself daily, “oh! I’ve gotta write about his!”… but it just keeps happening. Good things worth sharing keep happening… and this girl is not complaining.
Here is a piece I started writing 3 weeks ago:
I’m eager to write to you beautiful people tonight!
Hmm, you may be pondering, why is this night different from all other nights? Splendorful inquiry.
In one week: one engagement. One birth. One wedding. One bris (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brit_milah).
Some of my exceptionally close friends from here and home have been blessed this week. Never in my young adulthood have I experienced a heart-pounding, joyous tear-bursting, up-in-arms wailing kind of reaction for these special moments in life. Oh so this is why they make bridesmaids movies? The passion to plan and take action is burning through my fingertips already. Because when they’re close to you, it’s love on an entirely new level.
And that’s all I wrote because I had to jet off to see the baby, talk to the engaged couple, and get ready for a wedding.
But looking back and reading what I wrote, it is love on an entirely new level when the people are close to you.
So, yes, all those things happened the first week of June. The next week I coordinated the first-ever Estonia and Finland teen exchange program; I mean, the countries are literally 8okm away from one another, the logistics minor (especially with teens who just want to touch each other), and now 23 years since the collapse of the Soviet Union… these kids have Jewish friends up north. Not only that, but they do things a little differently there, so instead of battling for ways to learn more and keep things fresh inside the bubble…they’ve got a literal exchange of knowledge to further enrich their own spaces. Their bubbles are expandable. Fancy that – and just a ferry ride away.
And now I’m en route back to Tallinn from Riga; I spent the weekend in London with my brother – first time I’ve seen the guy since JDC JSC Orientation in August! Right when I hopped off the plane I tubed to the BBYO UK & Ireland office to see what was going down there – I can tell you that would not have been the first thing on my “vacation” list a year ago. I never even had the connection or knew there was an office in London. So I sat in a planning session with some handsome men running the show, and off I went to bond with brother in Central London. Our flat ridiculously good looking and nestled between Notting Hill and Hyde Park. Did I tell you my absolute favorite movie (right before Billy Madison) is Notting Hill? I mean, guys, I fell in love. I just did. It happened. Like if I had no problem with a socialist government and the ludicrous prices of London, I’d live in Notting Hill. My hypothetical vision of living there was proven when I walked into a bar and heard, “uptown girl, She’s been living in her uptown world / I bet she’s never had a backstreet guy / I bet her momma never told her why”, Billy Joel. My man. In a bar. In Notting Hill. Oooooooo-kay.
Anywho, the weekend was great. The weather was quintiessential humid, rainy, London. But I still dug it. My brother and I did what we do and dabbled in some oyster-eating, wine-drinking, and career-trajectory-talking. Not gonna lie, London was a nice break to the West – I forgot, however, how material our little world was… and the material is soooooooooooooooooo good. Such great boutiques and creative brands out there. I’m so out of the loop. Actually, I think anyone not living in London, Paris, New York, or LA have to be out of the loop. Sorry if you’re in the loop and you don’t live in any of the above cities. If you live in the loop in St. Louis, you’re more literally in the loop than anyone. I’m done.
On Friday, I go to my homeland for one month: LITHUANIA. You know, that country once linked with Poland as a region home to the largest diaspora population between the 16th and 19th centuries? I’ll be there for one month of Baltic regional summer camp. Yours truly will be directing sports and cheer-building. I figured in my last few months here, I wanted to contribute to as much as possible… these kids are about to get sports training like never before. I’m talkin’ UNC runs, knock out, Swedish soccer, you name it. It’s happening.
I’m off for now and hope to find a few moments to update you while I’m in Lithuania! One last plug for the Baltics (or at least Poland and Lithuania): If your roots are from here and you’re able to board a plane, please visit. The further we get from an area, which before the war, provided such a lively, supportive infrastructure for Jews to learn and succeed in relative peace… the more it erases from our memory, the more we disconnect from our roots and how we are able to flourish today. I will strongly state that it is only ignorance which keeps us from returning to this part of the world; it is safe, beautiful, full of smart and dedicated people, and you’ve just gotta do it if you can.
Signing off! Happy summer, yawl!
Jenstonia – AKA Jenthuania for July.
:: jenstonia :: 